I saw a topic online: I found my husband often jerking off behind my back, I’m such a big live person hanging out in front of him, I don’t understand why he has to do such things behind my back. Is it because I’ve lost my charm that he does this?
A similar dilemma can be: a wife masturbates behind her husband’s back, and the husband suspects that he is not attractive enough.
So here’s the question: Does the fact that someone with a partner masturbates mean that they are dissatisfied with their partner?
In this issue of the Express, we’ll explore this question from a scientific perspective, starting with what masturbation is.
Do you understand masturbation?
Masturbation is usually a sexually aroused, spontaneous activity that refers to stimulating one’s genitals to achieve orgasm.
It is the fastest way to reach orgasm.
“Masturbation can lead to orgasm in two minutes, but with a partner, it can take up to 45 minutes.”
Most boys masturbate, especially when they reach puberty and begin to orgasm after they have their first Dreamfall; about 75 percent of girls can also masturbate to orgasm. For women who have difficulty achieving orgasm during intercourse, sex therapists may recommend learning to masturbate to explore their bodies.
People of all ages, genders, and sexual orientations can masturbate. In exploring their bodies, even young children know how to masturbate. (So, when did you first start masturbating?)
The benefits of masturbation you didn’t know
Masturbation is the most intimate aspect of sex, it doesn’t need to please your partner, it’s just about you. Just as partners sometimes need space to be alone, so does sex.
Masturbation makes one more aware of one’s body and has many positive effects on our bodies and minds, and even on our sexual relationships with our partners.
1. Masturbation can help improve sexual relationship satisfaction
Masturbation makes us more aware of what we like to feel and how we like to be touched. In addition, a partner may not be able to touch specific areas precisely, apply pressure correctly, or find the rhythm that will stimulate an orgasm.
When we understand our body’s needs, we can also communicate those needs to our partner, resulting in a better sexual experience.
Studies have shown that women who can achieve orgasm through masturbation have higher marital and sexual satisfaction and take less time to be sexually aroused than women who are unable to masturbate to orgasm.
2. Physiological benefits of masturbation
For women, the orgasm brought on by masturbation causes the opening of the cervix to relax and open, a process that circulates fluid and thus flushes out bacteria-filled cervical fluid, helping to prevent cervical infections and urinary tract infections.
The contractions that occur with orgasm also increase the strength of the pelvic floor, and the strength of the pelvic floor muscles plays an important role in determining sexual health and satisfaction. Studies have shown that a strong pelvic floor is associated with higher rates of sexual activity as well as higher sexual function scores.
For men, masturbation may reduce the risk of prostate cancer, perhaps by giving the prostate a chance to remove potentially carcinogenic substances through masturbation. Therefore, men using sex toys is better for their health.
3. Helps relieve stress and enhance pleasure
During orgasm, our body works very hard to release many different hormones and neurochemicals, including endorphins, dopamine, and more.
Endorphins reduce pain and make you feel good, so what’s not to like about such an easy-to-get natural “pain reliever”?
Dopamine, the chemical that makes us “happy” and is responsible for pleasure, desire, and motivation, is formed in the ventral tegmental area of the brain and is released to regions such as the nucleus accumbens and prefrontal cortex, helping us to notice rewards such as food, sex, etc.
Therefore, moderate masturbation can help people unwind and bring about positive emotional experiences.
4. Masturbation is the safest sexual experience
Finally, we have to admit that masturbation is one of the safest ways to release sexual desire and can help reduce unwanted pregnancies and the spread of sexual diseases. Therefore, it can avoid moral and social problems in some sense.
Can we harm ourselves by masturbating?
Many people will ask what is the degree of moderate masturbation? Can excessive masturbation cause harm?
Current research at home and abroad has generally found that the frequency of masturbation can be set by oneself, as long as it does not interfere with normal life, and that there is no uniform standard.
Therefore, the “standard” is whether it is suitable for you and whether it affects your normal life and health.
More than frequency, we should be concerned about the way and attitude. If the wrong way and attitude, there may be the following negative effects.
1. Harm to the body
Improper masturbation may hurt you, such as minor skin abrasions, and in some severe cases can even lead to Peyronie’s disease, which means that plaque can accumulate in the penile shaft due to excessive stroke.
In addition, unclean toys may lead to bacteria and infections. Therefore when masturbating with the help of sex toys, take care to keep it clean. Also, avoid sharing a toy with multiple partners, which may increase the risk of infection.
2. Bringing emotional stress
Many studies have found that masturbation itself is not a source of stress, but the “attitude” toward it is a source of stress.
If masturbation conflicts with your religious or cultural beliefs, you may also feel guilty and think that masturbation is shameful, which can hurt your mental health.
3. Interferes with a normal sex life
Masturbation helps to keep you sexually active. However, if you become overly dependent, it may interfere with your sex life with your partner. This is because you get used to having someone in your brain rub your penis or fondle your clitoris.
For example, habitual grip penis too tight, maybe less sensitive; frequent masturbation, your brain, and body will only be relaxed in you give yourself stimulation, but with the partnership between the “method of rusty”, thus affecting your sexual relationship.
Of course, you can also improve this problem by enhancing stimulation, such as the use of vibrators, lubricants, etc.
4. It may lead to compulsive behavior
Not only masturbation, but any type of addiction can lead to loss of control. It’s as if alcohol is a good thing and it’s always bad to crave it.
In the long run, masturbation “addiction” may lead to “compulsive masturbation” (e.g., compulsive thoughts of masturbation that linger, excessive masturbation that cannot be stopped, etc.), out-of-control sexual behavior, OCSB), and inappropriate Pornography Use (PPU).
In such cases, medical and psychological help should be sought. (Don’t worry too much, most people hardly meet the clinical diagnosis criteria)
What should I do if my partner masturbates?
Going back to our original question, “Is my partner masturbating, and is he or she unhappy with me?”
We must realize that most people masturbate. If one is satisfied with one’s sexual relationship and sex life, and one’s partner is not causing health damage as a result, then this is not a big deal, but rather may be a boost to your relationship.
But, communication is essential. If your partner masturbates in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, then you need to speak up, rather than going straight to questioning your sexual attractiveness or skills.
For example, you can have a gentle and open conversation.
- What have you learned about masturbation from family, friends, and society?
- What are your thoughts on masturbation: your masturbation and each other’s masturbation?
- How often, where, when, why, and for what purpose do you masturbate? If not masturbating, why not?
- What are the similarities and differences between masturbation and sexual activity with a partner?
- Does masturbation increase or decrease your interest in sexual activity with a partner?
- What can you and your partner do about masturbation to increase overall sexual satisfaction for both partners?
- Overall, it’s not that masturbation is encouraged or discouraged, but, rather, one should be satisfied with the choices one makes, and partners need to agree on this and find a way that you are both satisfied with.
To do this, you need to have an open and honest discussion.
Talking about masturbation, sexual stimulation, and sexual fantasies can feel extremely vulnerable and exposed, so it can be a very challenging conversation to have, but if you both stick to it and handle it well, your overall relationship may be better for it.
An accepting, understanding relationship is probably more important than specific practices!
Which kind of sex toy do you need?
There are a lot of sex toys in the market, but which one is suitable for you? Different sex toys have different functions, such as dildos are generally used for women, but there are also double-headed dildos that can be used by both husband and wife.
For more information on how to choose different sex toys, please check out our professional article.
We recommend that you try our rose toys. The rose toy has become popular in the past two years. We have different colors of rose toys, They can be used as decorative items.